Our Stinky Apartment

We recently saw the apartment that we’ll be living in for most of the year; fortunately, it’s a lot nicer than our temporary apartment and the view is amazing! We’re counting the days until August 1, moving day! We can't wait!

There are several great things about our current apartment. Firstly, we were in a mad rush to find a temporary place until August 1 at the last minute and this one came into the picture right before we left the country. The alternative, a month in a hotel, would have been less like "home" and far more expensive.

In addition, this apartment has a fantastic Internet connection, a U.S. phone number (an Internet-based phone), is very close to our school, very close to shopping, and extremely close to the Chinese restaurant!

However, let me count the ways that this place sucks…

It’s far too expensive for the quality, location, and size. I feel like we’ve been price gouged but again, it’s about half the price of a hotel and we needed it ASAP.

The door of the clothes drier does not remain closed; it flies open and often, clothes will fly right out of it during the dry cycle.

Both bathrooms stink, a lot. There must be a plumbing issue or dead things hidden where we cant see them but being in or near either bathroom is a horrific experience. I don’t know how we put up with it; we must be used to it. Ugh!

I don’t want to go into graphic detail but let’s just say that the water that sits in the toilet bowl is not deep enough to be an appropriate receptacle.

More than half the light sockets don’t work, including the one in the master bathroom; in fact, there’s an adapter between the bulb and the socket that enlarges the circumference of the screw base to fit into the socket. That can’t be too safe, can it?

There is exposed wiring that isn’t capped in various surprise locations throughout the apartment. I’d love for a U.S. code enforcement official to see our place!

The walls are painted all white and that paint needed to be repainted about five years ago. In numerous location, the white paint is painted over the 1960s-style wallpaper, which has a texture to it.

There are no garbage disposals in the two kitchen sinks so washing dishes (because there is no dishwasher) is a dirty task.

While there is a hand washing station just outside the guest bathroom, the guest bathroom itself does not have a sink and the hand washing station really isn’t a large enough basin to do anything but wash your hands. Guests would have great difficult brushing teeth, shaving, etc.

Both fixed shower heads in both showers do not work. There are, however, detachable shower heads but these can not attach to anything so one must hold the showerhead with one hand while washing with the other.

The shower curtain and shower doors are ineffective controls against the water of the showers. Anytime we shower, we create a small flood.

The washing machine is missing buttons and since the buttons are labeled on the button, we don’t quite know what buttons we’re missing.

There’s no mop. We’ve noticed an Israeli phenomenon that homes with tile floors seem to lack mops but they do have squeegees. Apparently, moving the dirt around is just good enough; there’s no need to eliminate the dirt.

Several rooms have cracked windows that have been taped to hold the glass in place. Very comforting!

Our generous landlord has left us two forks, two plates, and one pan with which to use for the more than a month we’re here. All other dishes, pots, utensils have been packed away. Apparently he doesn’t want us to have any guests!

There’s no toaster! Well, maybe there’s a toaster that’s packed away so we can’t use it?

We have to physically light the stove with a match after turning on the gas.

The beds are probably a decade past replacement time.

The couches are disturbingly disgusting but are covered by a two little less disgusting couch covers.

No sink at all has a drain that can be covered to prevent one of Jen’s contacts from ending up in the Dead Sea.

And last, but certainly not least, the mezuzot on the doorposts are held up with tape.